Divorce Got You Sick and Tired?
After a divorce, a two-letter word you’ve likely neglected is “me”. While you still need to care for your children (if you have them), you also need to take care of yourself. One of the first steps to independence is determining you are physically healthy to carry on a solo lifestyle. This means seeing a health professional.
Dawn Cardi, a New York City-based family lawyer who works with men getting divorced, says she advises men get a physical after a divorce – and to keep the focus on a healthy lifestyle. “It’s a combination of mental and physical health,” she notes. “Guys coming out of divorce should seek out counseling for a period of to time to discover and heal, and they should spend more time with children who are also healing.”
“Keeping it healthy and positive is crucial,” she adds. “Letting go of the anger is key to healthy living. Self knowledge is key to not becoming a repeat customer.”
Even if you haven’t been to a physician in ages, it is never too late to set up routine appointments. Before your appointment, make a list of all problems — even if they don’t seem health-related. Money worries and relationship difficulties can affect your health, and it’s important to tell your doctor, no matter how embarrassed you are. Your doctor’s job is to prescribe treatment — not judge you.
Make sure to be honest with your doctor. Says Cathy Meyers, a divorce mediator who went through her own marital split a few years ago, “We don’t have a great deal of information on the effects of men’s health after a divorce. What evidence we do have reveals that men find divorce more emotionally problematic than women. Men also appear much less emotionally prepared for separation. In large part this may be due to the fact that most break-ups are started by women. During the emotional upheaval that often follows, men are fairly poor at expressing a range of emotions, which may appear to reveal them as angry and/or indifferent.”
Divorced men, recently burned by marital discord, also may find it difficult to discuss sexual problems; bowel and bladder troubles; and drug and alcohol issues, but concealing this information can put your health in jeopardy. Make a concerted effort to schedule regular screenings for cholesterol (at least every five years, starting at age 35), blood pressure (at least every two years), colorectal cancer (starting at age 50), diabetes (if you have high blood pressure or cholesterol), depression, STDs and prostate cancer.
Follow these strategies for better health:
1. Take action.
Don’t stress over that lump or mole. Get it checked out. Seeing an expert has much better results than wondering.
2. Don’t lie.
Even if you don’t like the fact that you smoke or drink, it is important for your doctor to know. You won’t be able to receive the best treatment otherwise.
3. Seek treatment at the first sign of an illness.
The earlier you connect with your doctor, the sooner your doctor can determine treatment.
4. Keep communication open.
If you feel uncomfortable around your doctor, it may be time to switch to another practice.
In order to maintain proper self-care habits, adhere to these tips:
1. Pick a type of exercise you enjoy and stick with it.
Physical activity can help you reduce stress, lose weight (if needed), build muscle, and look and feel attractive.
2. Eat healthy and often.
It is important to remember to eat healthy. The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) offers an eating plan based on each individual’s age, sex, weight, height and physical activity. Go to www.mypyramid.gov and click “MyPyramid Plan” for more information.. Ask your physician which vitamins and supplements are right for you. This may help you to better manage stress.
3. Don’t turn to drinking, smoking or abusing drugs to deal with stress.
This can lead to addiction — and with your whole life ahead of you, addiction is not the path you want to take.
4. Don’t bottle your anger.
It’s OK to feel infuriated, but you need to let out your anger safely. If you get out of control, seek a therapist. There is nothing wrong with talking to a professional to help.
5. Transforming your home by painting and moving the furniture or art can reduce stress.
A change in scenery is vital to moving on with your new life.
Fifty-year-old Carll Tucker, divorced after 26 years of marriage, took this notion to the extreme. After a lifetime of doing what was expected, he changed his scenery — by taking nine months to drive across America in an RV. His new scenery (which included solitude and limited space) allowed the author of “The Bear Went Over the Mountain: Finding America, Finding Myself” to reflect on his marriage and heal. It was also here that Tucker learned to cook healthy, steer clear of anger and socialize.
“Divorce pisses you off — big time,” he said. “Lawyers do their best to pick fights — it increases their fees. Your soon-to-be ex will shock you with her callous and underhanded behavior (as you, no doubt, will shock her). Anger escalates. Don’t let it.
Tucker also advised divorced men to take a trip — though it doesn’t have to be as “long and crazy” as his was. “Hang around your old haunts and everything will remind you of happier days. Your new life may turn out to be 10 times more fulfilling than your old one, but you’ve got to start living it to find out,” he advised.
Brian O’Connell is freelance writer and author. A single father of three, he has authored 15 books and has bylines in major national publications. To learn more about Brian, go to www.brianoc.com.